Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
