im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
