I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
