The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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