There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
