I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
