Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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