First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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