Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize