tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
