it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
