im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
