I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
