if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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