Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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