I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i've created a new STD.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
