I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
