I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I did not marry a roomba.
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