so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
