hell yes lets make some ravioli
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
