it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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