the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
