she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
