i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
