he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
