Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize