1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
