I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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