erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
