i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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