Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
