covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
