Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
