I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
