Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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