And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
