she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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