Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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