is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
