We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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