I wanna bring you to show and tell
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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