im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
