hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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