Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
