I cockslap morals
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
