I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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