He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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