Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
