I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
