She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
