guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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