Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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