I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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