we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
