pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
