Old men and throwing up are my life now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
