Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
