I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
