I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize