'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
