My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
