when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
