We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
