She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
