i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
