Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
